After
by milklovr
Summary: Tenten has the world at her fingertips. (Or: Tenten regrets words she never said.)


A/N: Back in the game after ten years. Still believe that Tenten deserved better. I'm not sure if this is "better", but it's something. If for some reason you like this and want to read my other stuff, don't expect my old crap to be anything more than crap. Thanks for reading.

* * *

Most people think that Hyuga Neji has never worked hard for anything in his life, that he is a genius to whom everything comes naturally, but Tenten knows this isn't true. She knows this because she is the one who trains with him every single day to prepare him for the final round of the Chunin Exams.

Her kunai dance of his eight-trigrams rotation as she watches him work himself to the point of exhaustion. When he collapses, she brushes the hair from his eyes and wipes the sweat from his face and stays with him until he wakes. Countless times she holds her breath as she places her head against his chest to make sure his heart is still beating.

She forgets that her body is also shaking.

She listens to him in his semi-delirious states despair about his fate as a member of the Hyuga branch family. In his mind he has accepted this as fact and chosen to live within the parameters set for him, but she wants to scream at him that his efforts to get stronger are in direct contrast to that assumption.

But she doesn't because she knows he wouldn't believe her – she who comes from no great clan and of whom no one carries any real expectations.

So Tenten watches him unknowingly defy his so-called destiny and knows that, not because of his talent but because of his effort, he is the closest thing to perfection she will ever see.

_After the exams_, she decides, _I'll tell him he can make his own destiny, that he has already done so, after the exams._

But after the exams he has already come to that realization without her help. He credits Uzumaki Naruto for opening his eyes and learns the truth about his father from his uncle. And she is ok with this because, even though she didn't play any important role, he can finally let himself be free.

…

Tenten has the world at her fingertips.

From her scrolls she can call forth the power of mountains, oceans, fires, and storms. She can summon any object, extraordinary or mundane, to any location in an instant. Any _tangible_ object.

By the time the next Chunin Exams come around this ability has earned her the title of being _'convenient'_ for her team.

She hates that word.

She likes being useful but she does not like being _used._

She is still trying to understand the difference.

But Neji has progressed to a point where he does not question himself anymore. Neji gains people's respect and trust with ease. Neji no longer fights to win or to prove himself to others but rather to do what's right.

Tenten wonders when she will ever have nothing to prove.

She wants to tell him how proud she is of how far he's come, how his skills are basically jonin-level and how she looks forward to training with him harder until they can achieve that rank.

But she doesn't because they need to focus on the exam.

_After we become chunin_, she decides, _I'll tell him he can achieve anything, after we become chunin._

But after she becomes a chunin Neji is double-promoted to jonin, and he does not need her acknowledgement. She is happy that he is finally getting the recognition he deserves, but one small part of her can't help but feel left behind.

…

Neji is shaking.

The damp cave they have taken refuge in echoes with the crackling of their small fire and Neji is trembling and only Tenten notices.

Their mission has just been completed successfully but Neji had to kill a man with a stolen byakugan, and Tenten's heart aches as she watches him try to comb through the tangles in his hair with his trembling fingertips. She summons a comb from one of her supply scrolls and Gai and Lee remark on her 'convenience' again before leaving to run 500 laps on their hands through the forest.

Neji complies when Tenten beckons him over and she can tell that he is relieved to have the silence. She methodically runs the comb through his long brown hair, gently working away any knots and tangles. His hair is soft and thick and gorgeous, and Tenten can't help but run her own hand through it alongside the comb every few strokes.

She senses his shoulders relax; He has stopped trembling. Tenten silently lets out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

"You are not a convenience," he says to her after she finishes combing his hair and must force herself to move away from him. "You are important to me."

She figures he means she is an important asset to the team much like Lee or Gai but when she tells him this he says, "No. In a different way."

Her heart beats too fast and too slow at the same time.

Their teammates return skipping and bounding and _loud_ before Tenten gets the chance to ask him what he meant.

_After the mission,_ she decides,_ I'll ask him what he meant after we return from the mission._

But after the mission they return to find their village destroyed in an attack by Akatsuki's Pain, and they get caught up in the fervor of recuperating and rebuilding. She no longer gets the chance to see him alone.

…

Hinata is privately hailed as a hero among their group of girls – _young women,_ Tenten must remind herself, although sometimes it feels like they are still just playing pretend.

She is a hero because she is the one whose sacrifice prompted Naruto to regain his strength and save the village. But to them, she is also a hero because she overcame her fear and protected the one she loved while openly confessing her feelings.

"What did he answer?" they ask teasingly, and Hinata doesn't seem sad to admit that he hasn't answered at all.

Tenten tries to imagine if she would do the same thing if it was for Neji.

_Yes,_ her brain answers almost immediately, and she wonders when and how it became so sure. All she can think of are shared looks and late night talks that don't belong to a certain time or place. But suddenly she wants to tell him that he is 'important in a different way' to her too.

_After we rebuild the village_, she decides, _I'll tell him how I feel after we rebuild the village._

But before they can finish rebuilding the village, war is declared and the five major shinobi villages decide to form an alliance. All shinobi are being mobilized and Tenten must listen and plan and prepare.

…

It is two days before they leave for the front and Tenten catches Neji doing some last minute training. She tries to remember the last time they trained together, just the two of them. It used to happen quite often but at some point, Tenten recalls achingly, Neji surpassed her in every way and became more desired by the village.

Tenten is scared to go to war but she doesn't tell anyone.

She knows she is not weak. She knows she is not _useless_. She is the top weapons user in the Land of Fire, so why does she feel like she is still not enough?

All of her friends and comrades have such conviction going into this war. They are going to save the world, their village, but most importantly, their friend. Tenten wants to be a part of this too but she can't help but feel that she is only a tool.

Neji catches her watching and she wishes they were thirteen again. She wishes she could start over with a clearer goal in mind.

Neji is ready for war. He tells her this as they walk side-by-side through the half-built village. He has no doubts, no fears, and Tenten sees in him once again the young boy who years ago decided he would carve out his own destiny.

_Free will_, she finally realizes, _free will makes the difference between being useful and being used._

Then Tenten will be useful. She will fight to protect the person who helped Neji find his path and the world that allowed her to take her time in finding her own.

Neji doesn't collapse after training anymore, but Tenten still wants to hold her head against his chest to make sure his heart is beating.

As they get ready to part ways, in a rare show of humor and tenderness, he says to her, "I won't forgive you if you leave me alone with Gai and Lee."

And Tenten smiles because what she hears is _"I need you"_ and that's all she's ever wanted. She wants to thank him for showing her the answers to her questions, for seeing her as more than one of the tools she uses, for giving her something to believe in and protect.

"Same goes for you."

_After the war,_ she decides,_ I'll tell him everything after the war._

…

…

…

…

…

Hinata is at his grave with her daughter by the time Tenten arrives, and she contemplates leaving and coming back later until she is caught by a curious Himawari. She is surprised at how much Hima has grown, and realizes that she hasn't spent time with Hinata – or any of the other girls for that matter – in quite a long time. It isn't that she is avoiding them, but she knows they all have children and husbands to tend to and she doesn't want to be a bother.

Hinata knows that Tenten is the one who has been caring for Neji's grave and leaving him fresh flowers while she is busy with the kids. She thanks her for being such a great _teammate_ and _friend_ and Tenten once again is forced to remind herself that that's all she ever was.

She stays at the grave long after Hinata has left.

Tenten has the world at her fingertips. From her scrolls she can summon any object, large or small, one can imagine. Any _tangible_ object.

But it doesn't matter. None of them can make her feel 'important in a different way.'

And it's a long time (but not an _indefinite_ time) before anything ever does.

…


End file.
